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Me at 33

…and for once I’m not talking about finding a job (though I do need that too). I’m talking about my issues. Yes, I have issues…several of them. Some are not appropriate to discuss here. The ones that are can pretty much be boiled down to two categories.

1. Time management – I don’t understand where all my time goes. (Maybe it’s spent wondering where my time goes?) I should have all the time in the world to do the hundreds of things I want to do, and yet at the end of the day I’m left with a long list of things yet to be done and a big blank on the “things I did today” side. I could blame the internet. My instinct is to name it the spawn of the devil and feign a lack of willpower to resist its beckoning call. But I know that’s not entirely true. The problem is really…

2. Lack of motivation – I get dumpy. I wallow in self-pity over my lack of luck in the job department and envision a lifetime of woe to follow due to my incredibly unprofitable taste in professions. It’s hard to get motivated to do the laundry when you’re busy worrying about how in the world you’ll ever be able to save enough for retirement after you’ve swallowed your pride and taken that minimum wage job at Meijer. And I’m only 32. Yeah, I worry…A. Lot. And all of that worry sucks my will to do…anything. I haven’t felt creative in quite a while…not productively creative anyway…you know, the kind of creativity that leads to something tangible. I haven’t posted here much because I feel like all I would be doing is complaining, and I don’t want to turn this place into a pity party. This is supposed to be my happy place.

So…solutions? I’ve tried setting a schedule for myself, but I’m self-defeating. I say to myself, “F@#k you and your schedule!” like I’m both the authority figure and the angst-ridden teenage girl. (hmm…that may actually be a pretty good description of myself) I like the idea of a schedule, but I don’t know how to make myself follow it. Suggestions? Do you ever struggle with motivation? How do you deal with it? How do you manage your time and ensure your to-do list is shrinking rather than growing?

Okay, enough mopey bullshit. Just to prove that it’s not all gloom and doom around here, I’ll share some pics of the kitties. Kitty pictures make everything better, right?

 

 

Remember these guys? They’re getting big. They had a checkup yesterday and should be ready for adoption in another two weeks. Oh, and they have names! The grey tiger striped one is George. We call him Georgy-Porgy. The light grey and white one is Fred. And the calico one is Kahlia, Kali for short (of course). She’s a sweetheart. Very loving.

 

 

Slowly, very slowly, I’m starting to get back into the swing of normal life. After nearly two years of a hectic, mad-rush, graduate student’s life, I found it hard to know what to do with myself after graduation. I had more time than I’d had in a long time, and yet I often felt like I had no time at all. But I’m finally finding my groove, so to speak. Still no job (though I’m constantly looking), but I’m keeping myself busy.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog, missing it, wishing I knew how to become reacquainted with it. I’ve written countless posts in my head, but I was never quite sure how to start a conversation after such a long absence. Eventually I realized that the best way to start is…to start. So here I am. Starting over. I have so much to share, so much to talk about, so many questions. I’m excited to begin again and give this blogging thing another chance.

I haven’t made any changes here yet. How can I change something I hardly know anymore?  Once I’m comfortable here again, then I’ll know how it should look. Until then, we’ll have to get by with what we have.

That’s all for today, but it’s just the beginning. I’ll be back soon with plenty to say 🙂

Yep, it’s been three whole years since I started this blog. So much has happened in those three years, and I’ve managed to record and share a (very) small percentage of it here. I seriously doubt that anyone still reads this thing (and with my most recent extended absence I can hardly blame anyone but myself). The statistics on the year-end statement that WordPress so kindly sent me were abysmal. However, since I am really trying to have a more positive attitude and outlook this year, I will say that I managed to do an excellent job of not posting.

So, as I enter into a new calendar year and with it a new year of blogging, I hereby promise to do my best to post more than I did last year (an easy record to defeat), and to give anyone who happens by a more personal glimpse into my life, something I’ve managed to avoid up to this point. And since this is apparently my year for goal-setting and list-making, here are the four goals I’ve set for Monkey See, Monkey Do in 2011 (which just so happen to be alliterative):

2011 Goals

 

*paper image courtesy of Pugly Pixel

I’ve tried to ignore the subject and bury my shame, but it seems that I can only hide the truth for so long. It seems the time has come for me to come clean.

This summer, while I was away from the blog, I spent some time reading. I re-read many of my favorite classics, including the Brontes and Austen, but I also read some newer fiction. …No, I need to go back further than that. You see, it all started with a movie. I’d heard so much about it that my curiosity got the better of me, and one weekend while J was away I rented it. I had no idea what I’d started. I fully intended to laugh at it, thinking it would be nothing more than teenage drivel, and I was surprised…no, shocked to find myself enjoying every emotion-laden moment of it. Still, I wasn’t fully convinced. The books were the true test of the saga’s worth, so I ordered the first two the following week. I read them in two days and immediately ordered the fourth online and drove to the nearest bookstore to buy the third, thinking it would get me by until the fourth book came in the mail. I was wrong. I ended up finishing the third and then re-reading the first three books before the fourth one arrived. All-in-all I’ve read them four times. I couldn’t put them down. I didn’t want to leave Forks and return to Indiana; things here were so much less interesting.

Since then, I’ve been holding my breath till the second movie was released, trying hard to show restraint and not soak up every leaked image and official trailer so that it would all be new to me on the night I finally saw the movie. The tickets were ordered weeks in advance, and J was informed that he had no choice but to join me on the night the movie is released. That night is tonight. That’s right; I’ll be watching New Moon this very night. I’m as excited as a 12-year-old girl.

Yes, folks, I am a Twilight fan. I hope you won’t hold it against me. I’m certainly not alone, and I’ve put together a few Twilight-inspired finds to prove it to you. I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend planned. See you on Monday!

1. Twilight Inspired Crocheted Cloche 2. I want to live in Forks earrings 3. Be Safe sterling silver ring 4. Yes I Read Books About Teenage Vampires Button 5. Forever Ring 6. Sanguis (blood) Soap 7. Bella’s Bag 8. Bella’s Ring

The Motherload

I think I’m addicted. I can’t help it. Despite the known environmental impact and the potential organizational stumbling block, I can’t stop subscribing to magazines and catalogs. I love them. I love the elated feeling I get when I open the mailbox and see stacks of beautiful images staring back at me. I love the hours I spend pouring over the pages with a good cup of coffee (or four). And I love the overabundance of inspirational wonder that comes with an exclamation of “I could do that!” and the intention to actually follow through with that remark. Which is why I can’t ever just throw them away. Someday I know I’ll want to recreate that old-door-turned-headboard and will need the picture and step-by-step instructions to do so.

This morning I was in need of a little bit of that magic, so I poured myself a cup and sat down with this week’s bounty. It turned out to be just what the proverbial doctor ordered. I now feel revitalized and inspired, ready to lose that last ten pounds (to fit into this…and this…and maybe this) and start doing all those decorating projects I’ve been thinking about (and putting off) for months. If only I could feel this way all the time, maybe I’d actually finish the projects I start!

Often I feel as though life is too quickly passing me by. There is always some crisis or distraction that causes me to loose track of my time, focus my energy on things that I really shouldn’t, while the things I enjoy get pushed to the side. I’m sure this is true for a lot of you, and I wish I could offer some simple solution, a quick fix to keep our minds centered on what really matters. But in a way, that would be in direct opposition to our goal, wouldn’t it? The answer can’t come in an easy-to-swallow pill, but must be learned gradually over time. In other words, we have to take the time to take our time. Instead of rushing through my day, accomplishing only what I can’t postpone, I need to learn to slow down and enjoy each task, and most importantly, make time for those things which inspire me to keep doing the things I love.

Inspiration

We spent this weekend visiting family in Illinois. But unlike our usual family visits, we didn’t make plans to do anything…I mean we literally did nothing but sit and visit (and watch the occasional movie). It was wonderful to not have to rush or worry about crossing off something from our ever-growing to-do list. There were no errands to run, no laundry to do, no half-demolished bathrooms to work on. We had time to enjoy each other’s company, and it was more refreshing than I can tell you.

So, thank you to our hosts, S and D! And may you all find the time to let yourselves be inspired!

I’ve been talking about joining the blogging community for months now, but I just couldn’t seem to get started. Perhaps it was my fear of exposing myself as an idiot that kept me from writing (an honest-to-goodness phobia of mine…but there’ll be time to discuss that later). Or maybe it’s just that I’m lazier than I’d like to admit. Whatever the reason, I put it off for far too long.

But now, with the new year’s promise of new beginnings and everyone’s talk of resolutions, it seems that all my excuses are null. So, with a sigh of relief (and a twinge of irrational fear) I welcome you to my blog. However, I must warn you that I make no promises. I cannot guarantee insightful discussion of newsworthy topics or even rational thought on a consistent basis, but I will do my best to remain honest and genuine. And really, what more can you ask for from a blogger.

Till next time,

K

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